If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
