Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Winners do what other people won't.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Everybody is a student for life.
