Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.
You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
