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Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

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I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!

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When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".

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Wherever you go, there you are.

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.

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Good things don't always have to come to an end.

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Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.

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The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?

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Auto-correct can kiss my ask.

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Negativity is poison for the soul.