Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Don't fall in love, fall off a bridge, trust me, it hurts less.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
If you can't be a good example then at least be a horrible warning.
Pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.
Winners do what other people won't.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
