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The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

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The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

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Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.

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Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

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May the bridges I burn today, light the path tomorrow.

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If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

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Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.

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A relationship with NO TRUST is like a car with no gasoline. You can stay in it all you want but it won't go anywhere.

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places