Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.
Trust in God but lock your car.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
