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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

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No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.

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Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

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The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.

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You don't need some one to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely...

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

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I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.

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I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.