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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

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People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

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Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.

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Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.

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Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.

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Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.

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I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.

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Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.

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Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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Everybody spread positivity.

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You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.

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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

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Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.