2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
If your not going to win the argument, lie.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
