2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
