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2013: The year when the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section, to comedy section.

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I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

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Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

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I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.

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I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own

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Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.

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Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.

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Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.

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If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.

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I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."

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I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.