My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I'm experiencing Deja Vu and Amnesia at the same time... I think I've forgotten this before...
When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
The word of the day is 'legs'. Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
