Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Haters are just confused admirers.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
