Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Everybody is a student for life.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
