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So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.

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I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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Cool story bro. Publish it and sell it to someone who gives a shit.

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Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.

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I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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How the hell does Freddy Kruger wipe his ass?

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

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Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.

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If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.