So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
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