So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
You can't define love, but love can define you.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
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