So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
Immaturity keeps me young.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
NO MUM. You're mad because you're wrong not because I was talking back.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.