I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
Perception is everything.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
Make money, don't let it make you.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
