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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

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I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.

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My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.

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Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.

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We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.

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Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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If you're good at something, don't do it for free.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.

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Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?