I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
Trust in God but lock your car.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
Wild hearts can't be broken.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.
