I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
F that B.
When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.
Haters make you famous.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
24 hours in a day 24 beers in a case coincidence? I think not.
Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
