I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Trust in God but lock your car.
If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
