When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
