When life blows sometimes the best thing you can be is a dick.
Trust in God but lock your car.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
F that B.
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
