Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Why don't you just swallow all that makeup you put on? You might become pretty on the inside.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
True friends stab you in the front!
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
