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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

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There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.

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Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)

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Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a footlong.

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Face your problems, don't facebook them.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

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It's weird not to be weird.

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Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

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I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

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I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.