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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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When all fails, kamikaze and take everyone with you.

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I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.

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Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.

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Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.

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People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.

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I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.

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You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.

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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.