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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.

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The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.

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If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!

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Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.

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I'm thinking of a finger, and it's not 1, 2, 4, or 5.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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Its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission.

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!