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So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"

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If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.

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Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

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If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.

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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

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So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.

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I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.

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Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.

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It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.

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Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.

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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".

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Always remember to smile.

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Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.