You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
