You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Everybody thinks that a girl's dream is to find the perfect guy. Yeah right, our dream is to EAT WITHOUT GETTING FAT!
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
Immaturity keeps me young.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
