You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
Annoying moment: When you decide to be angry at someone for a week and the next morning, the anger you felt so strong, disappears.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
