Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
