Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Drunk words are sober thoughts.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Winners do what other people won't.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
