Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
A man can sweep any woman off her feet, he just needs the right broom.
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
