Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
