Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
Shit happens bro. Now get over it.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
The toughest thing about success is that you've got to keep on being a success.
If there was only woman ruling the word there would be no wars. Just a bunch of countries jealous of each other.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
You can pay for school, but you can't buy class.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
You know you love her when people think you're crazy.
