Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Take it easy, give it hard.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Love needs to get glasses.
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
