Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.
Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
New anti depressant for lesbians... Trycoxagain
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
