Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.
We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
