Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.
Nice guys finish last, that is because they put their girls first.
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
