Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
If we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...I'd miss u heaps and think of you often.
11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Take it easy, give it hard.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
