Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
Never frown, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
My grandma is 80 and she still doesn't need glasses... she drinks straight out of the bottle.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Always remember to smile.
You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
