Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
The awkward moment when somebody asks you what's wrong and they're the problem.
