Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
