Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.
The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Relationship status: Thank god there are 2 TVs in this house.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Dreams lift when reality falls.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
