God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Right things happen at the wrong time if you wait for them to happen.
I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
