God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
