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God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.

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Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.

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Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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Everybody spread positivity.

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Don't allow someone to be your priorty while allowing yourself to be there option.

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.

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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

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If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.