How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Mephobia. The fear of becoming so awesome that everyone dies.
Would you like a table? ... "No, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground, a carpet for 5 please." -_-
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
