Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.
Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
That awkward moment when your pet is staring at you naked...
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
I hate when I walk into a room, forget what I need, walk out and then remember.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
