Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A girl looks at what a man drives. A woman looks at what drives a man.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
It is true that there is no "I" in team. But there is an "I" in win.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
It's weird not to be weird.
The more pictures you post of your pet the more lonely you are. It's science.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
