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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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F that B.

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Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.

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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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The notion that you feel my pain is extremely uncertain. You have to apply the experience and pain of my life in order to come to this road.

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You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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You got enemies, good that means you stood up for something.

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I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.

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Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.

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So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."

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True friends stab you in the front!