Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
The awkward moment when someone is yelling at you and you're desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
