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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)

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If a quiz is quizzical, what's a test?

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.

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Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.

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I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.

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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

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Face your problems, don't facebook them.

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Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard

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I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.

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If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.

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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.