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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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11.24265336624% of people pay too much attention to details.

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If you can't convince them, confuse them.

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Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.

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Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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I have moments of brilliance and hours of stupidity.

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You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

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Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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That sad moment when you find an old conversation between you and someone you don't talk to anymore.

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Playing comes first, you can work later.