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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".

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I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.

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Don't judge a book by its movie.

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Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.

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Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.

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A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.

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When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.

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I'm sorry you had bad luck and turned out to be an idiot.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

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It sucks that you can't photoshop that personality too, bitch.

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I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.

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I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?

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I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.