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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.

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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places

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Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

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Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.

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Patience gets you everywhere on time.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own

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A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.

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The world is full of guys, be a man.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.

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Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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Immaturity keeps me young.