WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
Take it easy, give it hard.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
You'll never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
