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WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.

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I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.

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I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.

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Smart girls open their mind, easy girls open their legs, and foolish girls open their heart.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.

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Cool story bro. The best part is when you stopped talking.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."

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My middle finger gets a boner when I think of you.

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

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You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.

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My foot just fell asleep. I think I'm gonna kick it with your face to wake it up.

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Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?