WORRY looks around. REGRET looks back. FAITH looks forward.
Chuck Norris has three types of laundry...whites, darks and blood stained.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
Some take the bait, others reel it in.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
If you text me first, it's your job to keep the conversation going!
Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
