Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I eat problems, then shit out success.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
