Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Cool story bro. Put it in the history books with all the other boring sh*t I don't care about.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
My brain: 5% names, 3% phone numbers, 2% stuff I should know for school, 90% song lyrics.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
