Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
Science has made us gods even before we are worthy of being men.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
Treat every problem as your dog would: If you can't eat it, fuck it or piss on it, then walk away.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
