Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
