Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
Today I went on thesaurus.com and searched "ninjas". The computer told me "Ninjas cannot be found". Well played, ninjas, well played.
Those who live by the sword are bound to be shot by those who don't.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Love needs to get glasses.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Imagine how different your life would be if you said literally everything that was on your mind.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
