Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody equally.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Haters make you famous.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
The awkward moment when you realize that people are really laughing at you, not with you.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
Just because your smart doesn't mean your wise.
The last thing I want to do is die.
