Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
You can hold on to a person but not a relationship.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.
He broke her heart. She broke his X-Box. I think we all know who cried harder.
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
I don't have an attitude, I have a personality you can't handle.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
