Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Winners do what other people won't.
Single doesn't always mean lonely and Relationship doesn't always mean happy.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.
Believe in yourself. If you don't, then no one else will have a reason to.
The awkward moment when you politely decline food at a friends house and immediately regret the decision afterwards.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
