I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
When staring someone in the eyes, u wait for them to stare back at you.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
True friends aren't bought, they are earned.
Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
Everyone thinks that: Its every girl's dream to find the perfect guy....in fact its every girl's dream to eat without getting fat.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
