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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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Some women can't find a GOOD MAN cause they're too busy looking for a PERFECT MAN.

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Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O

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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.

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The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.

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Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.

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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

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I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.

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Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.

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You can be worthless to someone, but priceless to another.

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. Thats like stabbing someone then wondering why they're bleeding.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes... That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.