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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

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I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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There are needs and there are wants. I need what I want.

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If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.

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Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.

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Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)

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2011: Cool story, bro. 1836: Interesting tale, my fine companion.

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Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?

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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

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Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.

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Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

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"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.

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I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

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He who laughs last didn't get it.