I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Ohh, that sounds kinda harsh. I better add a 'lol'.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
We always start with completing the difficult. It just takes us a little longer to do the impossible.
A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
