When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Real eyes realize real lies.
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
The awkward moment when teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Your actions are speaking so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
The awkward moment when the world doesn't end on December 21st 2012, and a lot of girls end up being pregnant.
You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
