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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I

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Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.

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Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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God made Heaven and Earth, the rest was made in China.

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How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

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Short answers silent treatment not smiling = You did something wrong.

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too, bitch.

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I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.

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He who laughs last thinks slowest.

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Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.