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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

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You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.

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When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.

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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'

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You can't buy love....but you pay heavily for it.

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I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.

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A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.

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Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.

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Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.

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Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.

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Shit happens bro. Now get over it.

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Whenever I use "Thus" in a essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

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Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.

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Maturity is knowing when to be immature.