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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....

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Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.

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Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.

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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!

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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

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If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.

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You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't.

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When I'm always in my room; parents complain. When I go out; parents complain.

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Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.

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Boys will break your heart, Real men will pick up the pieces.

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Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.

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You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.

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Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.