We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
I wish I was as much of a morning person as my penis is.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
I don't watch any reality TV because I seriously can't afford to hate society any more than I already do.
Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.
Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
Ladies, the only time it is okay to be skeleton skinny is when you are dead. So eat the frigging cookie and enjoy it.
