We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.
If I'm weird with you, I'm comfortable with you.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.
Everyone keeps telling me how fun Angry Birds is, but I've been insulting my parakeet all week and he just seems hurt.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Fall in love with my mind.
