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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.

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I'm not stupid, I'm just not thinking straight right now.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.

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When single you see happy couples. When in a relationship you see happy singles.

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I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.

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You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.

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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.

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Thanks wind, you totally raped my hair.

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I put the laughter in manslaughter.

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Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)

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The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

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If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.

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Jesus can walk on water. Ice is 100% water, I can walk on ice. Therefore, I'M 100% JESUS BITCHES.