You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
Cool story bro. You should get it in Oprah's book club.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
After Mondays and Tuesdays even the calender says WTF.
Everyday the sun rises, but it doesn't shine until you wake up.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
Auto-correct can kiss my ask.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Don't wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect.