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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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I go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.

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Most people are still alive because its illegal to shoot them.

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Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

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Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

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I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm wearing two watches.

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In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

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History always has a way of repeating itself, bad or good, a perfect circle.

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Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.

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.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I

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Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.

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Be kind and courteous to everyone you meet but have a plan to kill them quickly if necessary.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.

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Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.