You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
I am not good at giving advice, but can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
F that B.
Make money, don't let it make you.
Sex burns 25.7 calories per minute, with that being said, wanna work out?
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
The ultimate price you pay is nothing but time.
Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.
A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
If you were my homework I'd do you on the table.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
