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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.

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I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

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There's no such thing as good girls gone bad, only bad girls found out.

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No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

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You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.

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Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

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Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.

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You don't like my opinion, wait until you hear the ones I keep to myself.

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From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.

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I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face

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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.