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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

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Teacher: "DO YOU WANT TO SPEND LUNCH IN MY CLASS?!" Me: Are you asking me out? O_O

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Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.

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Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?

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Me: *sneeze* Class: *silence*. Popular girl: *sneeze* Class: God bless you amazing and lovely sweetheart.

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You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you weaker and weaker until it eventually kills you.

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I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."

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I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.

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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

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Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.

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Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.

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War does not determine who is right - only who is left.