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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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Real eyes realize real lies.

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It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.

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Learn to spell, kids. Auto Correct isn't always write.

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I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own

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Man: created by God, destroyed by a women.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package.

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Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

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Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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I'm not giving you an hour, or a second, or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger.

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I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.

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"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.

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My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.

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Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...