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You never realize how offensive your music is until your parents are sitting in the passenger seat.

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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.

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It takes more energy to look back than to look forward into the future.

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Everyone and everything eventually becomes only just a memory.

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I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.

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Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.

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I'm not getting drunk. I'm getting awesome.

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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I think 'First Response' and 'Plan B' should switch names.

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So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"

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Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".

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Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.

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Don't tell me the rules if you can't even play the game.

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I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?

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Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.

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Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Susan?

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.