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Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?

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Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.

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The awkward moment when you're on a bouncy castle and you fall down and the other bitches on there wont stop jumping so u can't get back up.

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Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.

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Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.

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Not everyone's gonna understand you and that's ok.

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If they dont chase you when you walk away....keep walking.

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I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

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I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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You can't define love, but love can define you.

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I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

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A pretty girl is nothing with an ugly attitude.

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Light up the world with your smile, because you never know who might be stuck somewhere dark.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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The people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

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Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?