Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Charlie Sheen just set record for 'fastest time to reach a million Twitter followers.' Not his only speed record.
Karma's a bitch when you're a bitch.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
.sdrawkcab siht daer uoy edam I
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!
Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.
