Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.
Be positive for no reason.
Wherever you go, there you are.
You know it's going to be a great story when its starts off with, "So this b*tch!..."
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
Perception is everything.
Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Cool story bro, changed my life.
Chuck Norris once strangled someone with a cordless phone.
Haters are just confused admirers.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
Take it easy, give it hard.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
