Don't waste electricity, would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
I love that whenever we speak I have no idea what to say or how to feel.
If we only attempt that which we are capable of doing, we will never grow.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
Life is to SHORT, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Kim Jong Il's last words. "Hey, you're Chuck Nor....."
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
If you can't beat them, taze them.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
You are the result of 4 billion years of evolutionary success. Fucking act like it.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Truth can stand on its own, only lies require faith.
