Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Haters make you famous.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
From a girl's point of view, the guy always chooses the slut. From a boy's point of view, the girl always chooses the jerk.
A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH, and you're middle finger HIGHER.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.
