Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
The greatest part of being imperfect, is being perfect at it.
My life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
Giving up does not always mean you're weak, sometimes it just means your strong enough to let go.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
If you lost your virginity, Chuck Norris probably has it.
If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?
Cool story bro. Needs more dragons.
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
