I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Accept what you can't change and change what you can't accept.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
If she talks to you about everyone then she must talk to everyone about you.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
Just like every president has a teleprompter, every idiot has a cameraman.
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
Be man enough to accept the consequences, be child enough to do it anyway.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
Laughing is when a smile has an orgasm.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
Behind every girls favorite song, is an untold story.
I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
