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I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

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A successful man is one that can make more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

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Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."

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We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.

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What's the most successful pickup line ever? A: 'Does this smell like chloroform?'

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Did you just slap my ass? NO!? Damn I was hoping you did.

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Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.

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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

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When life puts you in tough situations don't say "WHY ME?", just say "TRY ME".

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If you're good at something, don't do it for free.

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F that B.

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I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.

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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.

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Until a man finds something to die for, he has nothing to live for.

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Know one cares how much you know, unless they know how much you care.

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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.