I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
I will still love you when you're no longer young and beautiful.
I'm invisible, can you see me? Yeah? How about tomorrow night?
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
Don't like me? Take a seat with the rest of the bitches waiting for me to give a fuck
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
Admit it! At one point in your life you closed the fridge really slowly to see when the light turns off.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
A good friend buys you lunch. A true friend eats yours.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
© 2016 EpicQuotes |