I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
So my life has reached the point where I've stopped asking "Why me!?" and started asking "Oh, again?"
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
It's weird not to be weird.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.
Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
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