I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
It's weird not to be weird.
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
You inspire me to be a better pervert.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back to visit, hunt it down and kill it.
Forget it enough to get over it, remember it enough so it doesnt happen again.
This duct tape makes everything you say sound like "yes".
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Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Regret lasts longer than fear.
I went up to my moms face and screamed " I WANT FOOD !!! " Until I got slapped in the face
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
I swear to drunk I'm not god.
Ran into my ex last week... backed up and ran over his ass again.
Don't trip over bitches, walk over them.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.