I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Every sinner has a future, every saint has a past.
Never count on tomorrow because it may forget to show up.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.
When we hit our lowest point, We are open to the greatest changes.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
Life is like a penis. It's short, but seems so long when it gets hard
I know the beginning and end of this book but what shapes life are the chapters between.
Don't judge a book by its movie.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants.
I didn't lose my sanity. I sent it away for its own protection.
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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