I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
Life's not a bitch, you're the bitch because your not trying hard enough.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Born to be different, like everyone else.
Everything becomes funnier when you're not allowed to laugh.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
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