I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
I'm your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.
The world is a fucked up place. You fit right in.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
Born to be different, like everyone else.
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's about a woman who learns her place.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'
Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?
Each morning when we wake up, we have two choices: go back to sleep and keep dreaming, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.
© 2016 EpicQuotes |