I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
I don't make the same mistake twice....I make it 5 or 6 times just to make sure.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Those awkward karate chops you give door just incase it shocks you.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Don't wait for anybody to complete you.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
No one said it would be easy but I'm saying it's going to be worth it.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
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