I love using big words to sound smart. I mean utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.
I couldn't help but notice that awesome ends with 'me' and ugly starts with 'u'.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
We just have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in our hearts....even if they don't stay in our lives.
I'm not single. I'm in a long-standing relationship with fun and freedom.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
Here's a condom so that you can have protection while you go fuck yourself. :)
The awkward moment when you're eavesdropping on a strangers conversation and accidentally laugh out loud at a funny part.
Off; the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Life is not what you take of it, but what you make of it.
It isn't till you've lost everything that you are free to do anything.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Fall in love with my mind.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
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