Live everyday like it's your last because someday you will be right.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
I put the laughter in manslaughter.
If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.
Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
"**** ***** is now friends with ****** ****** and 64 other people" damn....what a Facebook whore.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
If I don't answer your first call, calling me 39971629829202 times won't make me pick up.
That awkward moment when it's not okay after an apology.
Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.
Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.
Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.
