I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
I'm not an alchoholic, I'm a drunk. Alchoholics go to meetings.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I'm not a nerd, I'm just smarter then you.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Cool story bro, tell it again and I'll punch you.
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.
Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning not repeating.
Laughter is a better way to bring tears to the eyes.
I hate people who are lazy. They're so lazy, they don't even finish their own
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.
You do not learn anything by doing everything right.
The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.
Laughing at the person because the joke was a fail.
