I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I really need you to, put the camera down and step away from the mirror.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.
I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.
Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.
Definition of disappointment: guy runs into a wall with a boner and breaks his nose first...
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
Everybody spread positivity.
