I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
If you find yourself using the expression "haters gonna hate" a lot, there's a better than average chance you're a douchebag.
Love always costs more than you can afford, but its always worth the price.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
Boyfriends are like goal keepers. Just because they are there doesn't mean you can't score.
Girls are like aspirin. I take two and go to bed.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.
Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.
I study for minutes and take breaks for hours.
Love is calling back regardless of how many times they hangup on you.
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Take my advice, don't listen to my advice.
Dear Bull, What did I do to deserve so much shit?
Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.
You never how much is enough until you know how much is too much.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes
