I don't fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.
That awkward moment when you don't die on Dec 21 and your kid asks you why he was born on Sept 21.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
Sadly some boys think of girls as books; If the cover doesn't catch their eye they don't bother to read whats inside.
I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.
I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.
The awkward moment when a guy has bigger boobs than you.
The world is full of guys, be a man.
Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don't, raise your standards.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
Haters make you famous.
I would love you if love meant the complete opposite of what it means today.
It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...
Sometimes I look at people and think: That sperm actually won?
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Dear 'K', You should get arrested for killing conversations.
I'm a very nice person...but for you I'll make an exception.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
