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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.

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When I watch MTV Cribs, the feeling of guilt from illegally downloading songs goes away.

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Got an issue? Get a tissue.

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Never close a door that someone still holds a key to.

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I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.

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You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.

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You cannot fathom the amount of fuck I do not give.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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You inspire me to be a better pervert.

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I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, the homework, the exams and waking up early in the morning.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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Gravity is not the reason why people fall in love.

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Cool story bro, now go make me a sandwich.

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If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.

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My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.