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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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Fear not the weapon, but the hand that wields it.

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Sleep, hugs, kisses, love, friends, family, memories, smiles, laughter, fun... the best things in life are free.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

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I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.

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I'm killing time, waiting for time to kill me.

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The awkward moment when someones yelling at you and your desperately trying not to laugh at their angry face.

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Some people should be high-fived...in the face.

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I'm not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one.

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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Women want one man to fulfill their every need. Men want every woman to fulfill their one need.

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So you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch well listen bitch it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch.

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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

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Haters hate because they are what you ain't.

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Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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Cool story bro. In what chapter do you shut the fuck up in?

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Mom: What do you think I am, made of money? Daughter: Isn't that what MOM stands for?

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When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".