Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.
It's hard to talk face to face, when your head is up your ass.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
If I got a nickel every time I told my wife I loved her....I'd have a nickel.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Homework: Do me do me. Internet: Don't listen to that slut.
Cool story bro. Yeah your mums in the next chapter.
If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.
Cockiness is just confidence without confidence.
The world needs less people that judge and more people that love.
Your a boy, I'm a girl. So tell me again why we aren't dating?
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Life is like a penis, when it gets hard, fuck it.
I would kick your ass right now, but that would be animal abuse.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
Hurting someone with the truth is better than killing them with a lie.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
