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Women don't want to hear what you think, women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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I hate when I'm on the couch after a long day, I put the TV on and then my family starts having a competition of who can be the loudest.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.

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Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.

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It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow.

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Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.

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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....

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I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

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Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.

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If someone tries to bring you down it means that you are higher than them.

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I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.

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Take chances, make mistakes, and don't regret a second of life.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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Fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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Act like a gentleman, think like a boss.