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Don't hate me because I'm better than you, hate yourself because you're not as good as me.

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I'm not spoiled, I'm just well taken care of.

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That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.

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A girl just told me she wants something with a lot of diamonds for her birthday, I'm gettin her a deck of cards!

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Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!

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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

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There are two kinds of secrets: one is not worth keeping and the other is too good to keep.

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Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

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Facebook is for for friends who are now strangers, Twitter is for strangers who should be your friends.

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Physiological fact: emotional pain lasts for twelve minutes, anything else is self inflicted.

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Negativity is poison for the soul.

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You should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

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I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.

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Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.

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You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.

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If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, 'In Jesus name, amen'

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I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

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Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.

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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.