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If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

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A soulmate is meeting the piece of you that is missing. It's undeniable and scary, but you feel lost without it.

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Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

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Don't erase your haters, embrace your haters.

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I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.

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Its the scars that can't be seen that take the longest to heal.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

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Winners don't wait for chances, they grab them.

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Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow...when I woke up my pillow was gone.

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If being sexy were against the law you'd be guilty as charged.

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I know I just met you last week but I kinda, sorta, just maybe, seriously have been curiously thinking about you every day since.

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I want to go to Heaven for the climate, and Hell for the company.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

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Compromising is the same as losing, it just sucks more because winning was never in the deal.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.

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I love you more than a fat kid loves cake.

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My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.