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If you watch Jaws backwards, its about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.

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That awkward moment when sluts wear clothes.

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Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.

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Every woman is beautiful, it just takes the right man to see it.

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Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you.

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Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.

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Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

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I will stop loving you when the mute guy tells the deaf guy that the blind guy saw a legless man walk on water, yeah that means never.

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We're all born screaming, naked, and starving...then it's pretty much downhill from there.

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It's hard to answer "what's wrong", when nothing is right...

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I have finally decided to give a crap. Now who wants the first piece?

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That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.

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I know I have friends and I know I have enemies. I just can't tell who is who.

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Everything will be alright in the end, if its not alright, its not the end.

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Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I most need it.

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Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.

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We are bestfriends. Always remember that when you fall, I'll pick you up. After I finish laughing.

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When your mum decides to be in the room while you're on the computer so you just switch to Google and just stare at it.

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If karma doesn't knock you out soon, I will.