People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
If at first you don't succeed..... CHEAT!
When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Real eyes realize real lies.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?'Hold my purse.'
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "Just kidding."
We put the "us" in trust, baby.
You should appreciate what you have, before it becomes what you had.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
You don't have to understand to be understanding.
You can spend your life avoiding your dreams, but everynight you go to sleep.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
Whatever floats your boat as long, as it doesn't sink mine.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
