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People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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It's half water, and half air. So really, the glass is never half empty.

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I am not afraid of death, it's just that I prefer not to be there when it happens.

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I'm not flirting, I'm just acting extra nice to someone who is extra attractive.

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Chuck Norris will never die of a heart attack because his heart isn't that foolish to attack him.

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The minute you settle for less than what you deserve you get less than what you settled for.

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Perception is everything.

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If all MEN are the same, why do WOMEN take so long to choose one?

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He who laughs last didn't get it.

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Boobs. That's all, just like this if you like boobs.

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Don't make time for people who can't make time for you.

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Sex is like money. It's only a problem when you don't have any.

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When I'm bored, I eat. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat.

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My biggest mistake is not kissing you when I had the chance.

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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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Next time someone says "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" I'm gonna throw the dictionary at them.

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Once upon a time, there was a boy and girl who loved each other. Then a slut came and ruined everything. The end.

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When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."