People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.
I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Say what you mean and mean what you say because the people that matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when its not my birthday.
Teacher: "You failed the test." - Student:"You failed to educate."
If your life is so shitty maybe you should wipe your ass better.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
It's weird not to be weird.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
"Dude, that song is old." Sorry, I didn't notice the expiry date.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
I have no time for stupid people. But they sure do have time for me.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
Who you are, who you want to be, and who you once were can be three different people.
I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help, So I hired a hitman.
