People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
Teacher: Why can I hear talking? Student: Because you have ears.
Life is a case of spoon or be spooned.
The smile is every woman's sexiest curve.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
To catch me, you gotta be fast. To find me, you gotta be smart. To be me? Sh*t! You gotta be kidding!
Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.
I'm tired of girls complaining that theres no good guys left...hello..we are where you left us, IN THE FRIEND ZONE.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
Got an issue? Get a tissue.
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
Haters are just confused admirers.
Good things don't always have to come to an end.
I've gone bankrupt a few times and it's pretty scary. But eventually I make it to the ATM and get more money.
You said what you said and you said what you said, so what you said is what you said.
Some people just need a high-five. To the face. With a chair.
