People are stupid, with random moments of brilliance.
Face your problems, don't facebook them.
I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.
Taking forever to pick up a phone call because you're dancing to your ring tone.
S_CCESS can't be complete without U.
Haters are just confused admirers.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
When someone says "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes".
I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets coming out of hiding to watch the Royal Wedding.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Baby, I treat you like my homework, I'll slam you on the table and do you all night long.
"Dude that song is old"...."Well so is your mom....but you still listen to her."
The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.
An apple a day may keep the doctor away - but all these Macbooks are getting expensive.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Love me always, love me never, but don't love me sometimes.
That moment when your mum shouts your name so you do a quick recap of all the things you've done recently to see if you're in trouble.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
I love walking in the rain 'cause no one can see me crying.
