A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
If you're good at something, don't do it for free.
Maturity is knowing when to be immature.
Chuck Norris was bit by a poisonous snake. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake died.
Brushing your teeth before breakfast, is the same as wiping your ass before taking a shit.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.
Men are like parking lots; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Life sucks. But what it sucks on we may never know.
Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!
Two things I hate the most: (1) The new lover of an EX (2) The EX of a new lover.
I swear Mario is a hobo! he wakes up wearing the same clothes, runs in sewers, and steals coins. To buy what. MUSHROOMS?
Always remember to smile.
I think therefore I am, we think therefore it is.
If it put a smile on my face, there is no reason to regret.
