A rumor goes in one ear, then out of many mouths.
Sneaking your seatbelt on slowly when you see a cop.
You are not a winner, just the last loser standing.
Everyone's fine with babies being entertained by keys, but let one baby drive a Porsche and suddenly I'm a horrible uncle.
God made opposites. He made heaven and hell, darkness and light. He made me smart, and you....
You never know how precious it is until you lose it. And you never know how annoying it is until you have it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Never lie to someone who trusts you. Never trust someone who lies to you.
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
Unicorns are awesome. I am awesome. Therefore, I am a unicorn.
If we're not supposed to have late night snacks....why is there a light in the fridge?
Hello substitute teacher... Goodbye assigned seats.
Some people should be high-fived...in the face.
Cry over cuts and stitches not bastards and bitches.
I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection.
Cool story bro. Wanna hear mine? It's a fairy tale; once upon a time, I don't give a shit. The end.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
