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Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.

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The awkward moment when Edward and Santa bump into each other in your room because they're both watching you sleep.

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I knew I was in love when all those stupid love songs started to make sense.

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Today was a beautiful day. Then you showed up.

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Don't punish the man in front of you for the mistakes made by the man behind you.

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When you're sober you think twice before you speak but when you're drunk you speak twice before you think.

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I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

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You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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Born to be different, like everyone else.

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I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.

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I need a six month holiday, twice a year.

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The word 'studying' was made up of two words originally - 'students dying'.

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Life isn't about staying dry, it's about learning how to play in the rain.

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I say excuse me when I burp even when nobody is around....true gentleman.

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I'm not addicted to Twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

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Stubbing your toe and telling the inanimate object to f*ck off.

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Fight poverty. Throw stones at beggers.

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Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!

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That awkward moment when your in class then your stomach decides to make this dying whale's voice.