Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Roses are red. Violets are blue! Faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad I'll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of bill payments.
Finding the meaning to life gives life no meaning.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Nice shoes! Wanna screw?
Chuck Norris made orange juice concentrate.
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
It's better to be the owner of your silence than the slave of your words.
Life is a bitch, but totally do-able.
The sacrifice of hiding in the light is living with your shadows.
Lifes a bitch....so when life sucks just sit back and enjoy the head.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away, Bella died, Jacob cried, POTTER ALL THE WAY!!
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
Don't break anybody's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
