Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Be what you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
My ideal mate is someone like you, but with a different personality and with a different face.
Procrastination is like masturbation....you're only screwing yourself.
I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch, bitch?
You know you're getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Don't look back. You'll miss what's in front of you.
Mario: An Italian plumber that was created by Japanese people, who speaks English, but looks like a Mexican.
Disappointments are just God's way of saying: "I've got something better." Be patient, live life, have faith.
No really officer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
The awkward moment when you're about to hug somebody sexy and then headbutt the mirror....
Coughing in front of smokers to make them feel guilty.
It's not how much you love someone that matters, it's how much you make them feel loved.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
If life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, then lets get wasted and have the time of our lives.
You look at them. They look at you. You look away. Awkward.
Have you ever noticed that when you walk into a spider web you suddenly become a ninja?
If you got haters, you must be doing something right.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
