Yeah, I'm single, but you're gonna have to be amazing to change that.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
You can't shake hands with a clenched fist.
If you were a transformer you would be a hot-obot called Optimus Fine.
I don't have enough middle fingers to show you how I feel.
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
I didn't fall, I just caught the floor.
To whom much is expected, much should be suspected.
Haters hate because they are what you ain't.
I tried to send you the most sexy thing on the planet, but the mail man told me to get out of the mailbox.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
If you can't change your circumstances, change the way you respond to them.
When your best friend comes to you with a bitch problem and you're like"I don't give a fuck."
If you aren't good at lying, you better be good at keeping secrets.
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "Funeral".
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
I will love you until the end. If you feel that I don't love you, this is just the beginning.
Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.
